It's that time of year

For school to start! Now, many of my younger readers have already been in school for a week or so, and much of my peer group has been in school for about a month, so they may not appreciate my tardiness on boarding the new school year train. And so this is for them.

A conclusive report on why the northwestern university quarter system is substantially better than whatever you're on; by one Mssr. Abraham Benson-Goldberg, Esq.

1. We have better summer months. Who wants to be in class in August? The sun's the shiniest, the languor's the most languorous, and, of course, it most accurately reflects the summers from when you were a boy.

2. Our classes are right-sized. That is, we have just enough time to get really piqued by the information, and not enough to get bored by it. You may hate Underwater Basket Weaving 104-0-25 "Wicker in our modern era--History, Craftsmanship, and the Consumer," but odds are, we loved it.

3. School becomes a game. Who finnagled more classes into the same credit scheme; who can last longest with 17 hour Tuesdays; who actually will read all 501.8 books in 10 weeks?! It just isn't the same anywhere else.

4. Bullshit is viable. In what other setting can you actually pretend to deep understanding from a 10 week surface course? Oh sure, your neighbour in Gen_Gen_Comm 805-3-21 "Teeth--What they say and how they say it" may actually have been reading and taking notes during discussion, but it's just teeth! We can get the salient issues and points within the first three hours of lecture, and then just coast our way to victory!

5. Progress is constant. In the quarter system, one is always attaining a new, and higher, status in the degree food chain, because every three months (if one is truly dedicated) one picks up a whole set of credits. Believe me--I went in with nothing, and not 11 months later I walked out of Freshman year with 24 credits. Which leads me to the second half of this bullet point: progress is conceivable--since every class is only a single credit, and one only needs 45 to graduate, you're always markedly moving forward.

In short, the quarter system rocks, especially as played out by Northwestern.

Respectfully,
Abraham